


The Amazing Spider-Man In: The Peril Of Passione!!

by spectralspices



Category: JoJo - Fandom, Marvel, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Beating the SHIT out of Drug Clown, Gen, Just a cool action scene., Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectralspices/pseuds/spectralspices
Summary: It is a lovely night in Diavolo's new Passione Drug Smuggling warehouse in New York, and you are an amazing Spider-Man....With the JONKS out of the way, this fic is just a fight between Spider-Man and the villain of JoJo's Adventure Part 5: Golden Wind. It involves webs, time skips, menacing auras, and MAXIMUM SPIDER.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Amazing Spider-Man In: The Peril Of Passione!!

It was a cold, autumn day in New York. So...it was basically the middle of winter, and Peter Parker was feeling it. He spent a lot of his free time swinging at high speeds through the air in skintight spandex, no wonder he caught so many colds! 

This little quip was what ran through his head as he made his way down the streets of Manhattan, progressively getting further and further from the parts of the city that were lit up at this hour-headed right for everyone’s  _ favourite _ part of New York. And by “Everyone”, he meant foreign mafias, The Punisher, and probably some kinda group of adolescent martial artist tortoises. That’s right kids…

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was headed for the docks of the Hudson River. Specifically, the warehouse in the absolute worst shape. He swung shortly off a billboard, landing on the deli across from the fence bordering the dilapidated building. 

“Whoof-And they call  _ me _ a menace. This place looks like what JJJ  _ thinks _ I’m like.”

Peter’s quip was...accurate. The formerly-Oscorp owned fish cannery had been purchased recently by a company called Passionatuna, based out of Italy. One of his informants, a formerly homeless guy named Sal that Peter had once helped get into a F.E.A.S.T center, had told him that there were lots of shady characters hanging around this place. And drug pushers had suddenly  _ exploded _ . So, he had decided to get in on this before Frank Castle could blow up all the evidence. And hey, maybe  _ this _ time, someone’ll get arrested instead of blown into chunks of spicy man-salsa. 

Peter snapped a few photos, before swinging in to take a closer look…

Doppio would usually never leave Italia for something like this-but this was one of the first times Passione was expanding outside of his home country, into a place just as-if not more-corrupt. New York was a massive new market that was  _ often _ subject to power vacuums as a result of the extremely present superhumans mucking about with the established crime families. The Boss was brilliant-There were no Stand Users here, which meant that their forces would likely go uncontested. He had specifically arrived after hours to inspect the place, refusing to allow any part of this to go against plan. When this was over, he’d board the plane and return to helping manage the main business concerns in Italy. 

What the building was for  _ specifically _ was receiving their shipments, hidden inside the crates of “Tuna”. He was in his sweater, which for  _ once _ was appropriate to the climate. And everything seemed to be in order...he’d even prepared the room for cutting the stuff down to dilute it. It was a classic strategy-Strong dose to start off, sell them weaker and weaker product to keep them desperate. If they got violent, well...a Stand User was basically undetectable by a non-Stand User. 

His attention was caught by the ringing of a nearby cellphone, obviously left by one of the workers. He grabbed it and pressed it to his ear. 

“Hello? Boss?”

“ _ Doppio, be careful...something is wrong. If anyone is snooping around our business, just call for me. I’ll be there to protect you. _ ”

“Boss…” He smiled to himself, pressing his hand against his chest. “Thank you, Boss. I promise, nothing will get in the way of Passione.” 

Peter carefully lifted one of the windows on the slanted roof, allowing him to hear the start of that conversation. He began crawling inside, sticking to the wall. A web here, a spray there…   
And with a few deft tosses, he’d gotten cameras and some audio recorders spread around. Now, the last thing to do was listen in on that phone conver-

…

The purple guy was holding an entire fish to his ear, and talking to it as if it was a phone.

If he was being honest, he’d seen weirder. Like Ben Grimm after a thanksgiving dinner.  _ That _ . That was weird. 

But this  _ guy _ , specifically? He was a weird person. Also, saying things about Passione, which was like-the FIRST thing Peter had googled when he was looking up vaguely related criminal organizations for the weird new company that just showed up in town. It worked before with Hydration Inc and Always Inspect Mangoes incorporated. 

(Those ended up actually being the Hellfire club and the Magia, but there were better examples he just couldn’t remember)

But the way he was talking told ol’ Spidey that he was a higher up, so to him a spider-tracer would go. Peter perched on a rafter and pulled the tiny spider-shaped device from his belt. With a flick of his wrist, he launched it, aiming for the back of his sweater.

What Peter couldn’t see is the tiny face on the boy’s forehead. But what he  _ does _ see is...a vaguely arm shaped blur suddenly smash the tracer out of the air. The purple haired boy slowly turns his head, glaring daggers at him. 

“You’re  _ right _ , Boss. There  _ was _ someone I’ve got to eliminate. I’ll deal with him and await your next call.”

Spider-Man sighed, swinging down so his perch was more like an upside-down hang.

“You must be the local vigilante,  _ Aracnide _ .” He clenched his fist, facing Peter more as those blurs appeared over his shoulders. 

“And  _ you _ must be the non-local nutcase mafioso,  _ Purpalumus CrazyEar. _ ”

Doppio paused, face a mask of complete bafflement.

“Hey, you get my name wrong, I get your name wrong. I guess they don’t have an italian edition of the Bugle…” He drops down to ground level, shrugging his be-costumed shoulders. “It’s Spider-Man. Don’t forget the hyphen.”   
“We’re speaking face to face.”

“Well, yeah, but you gotta remember it when you write your memoirs. Y’know. From prison.”

Doppio scowled, the little face flashing again. He could see it-The next ten seconds…

_ Spider-Man would say something annoying, then shoot some kind of restraining web at Doppio from his left wrist. He’d then follow up by yanking him close and punching him out.  _

He had to react fast. First, he reached his left hand back to grip the pistol he’d brought with him, before positioning his borrowed stand’s hands forwards to catch the web.

“I gotta say, you’re a weird one, even for me. You got some kinda gas power? Have you smelt it, and plan on being the one who dealt it too?” Spider-Man flicked his left wrist out, shooting out a thin but powerful line of web towards Doppio’s chest-but King Crimson’s hands were already there, catching it and powerfully yanking the line.

“YOWZA!!” Spider-Man yelped, yanked across the room as Doppio revealed the pistol-a simple revolver-and took aim. However, when he fired…   
The shots simply grazed past the american superhero, leaving small cuts on his shoulder and side. He had... _ reacted?! _ Doppio was firing from fifteen feet away and he was  _ in mid-air _ . But that was the only explanation he could reach, as Spider-Man had simply twisted his body just enough to avoid the deadly projectiles. 

The arachnid landed, posed like an animal with his feet and left hand planted, his right hand lifted like an animal prepared to strike.

“Okay, I get it! Gas powers are a touchy subject. Let me guess your backstory: You’re a poor, abused telekinetic that was made fun of for his gassy, gassy powers. So you turned to selling drugs to kids for comfort! You became the terror that narcotics the Schoolyard-The  _ Heronino! _ ” 

“Will you  _ shut the fuck up?! _ ” Doppio grit his teeth, bringing the gun to bear again and firing off once more. But this time, he couldn’t even get the shots close, as his opponent pinwheeled out of the way with another bout of superhuman acrobatics. It was like any part of him that touched the ground gave him the same stability as a firmly planted foot…

“So, like, that’s  _ three _ wasted shots? Do you think we’ll make it to six before I knock your block off?”

He needed to use Epithet again…

_ Spider-Man was about to shoot his webs to attach to crates on either side of Doppio, pulling on both to dropkick him in the chest at high speed _ . 

“Still, people have work in the morning! Let’s keep it at three, yeah?” 

Spider-man then shot two webs at the crates- _ heavy _ with the bad kind of Good Stuff-and jumped, yanking the web lines-

But that’s when the gassy arm shapes grabbed his right line, snapping it. This caused him to be off-balance when he actually pulled, skidding out to the left and dazing himself. 

“Oh, great. Another random person I’ve never heard of that can just break my web lines. Wonderful.”

“I’m  _ SHUTTING YOU UP! _ ” 

Doppio fired again and again and again, aiming right for center mass. But that was his issue-The moment he’d begin to pull the trigger, Spider-Man was already moving. Another use of Epithet. 

_ Spider-Man would plant his hand and throw himself up with just his arm strength, before webbing to a scaffold and swinging around Doppio. _

Spider-Man did just that, but when he was up in the air (upside down), he didn’t expect the bullets to be there. One slammed into his shoulder, while the others still missed-Because in reaction to that, Peter had bent himself in half, knees to his chest, and somersaulted in mid air. 

“W-What?!” 

He had no quip when he landed, leaping at full force straight up-before shooting his webs out and disappearing into the shadows. 

Doppio took this chance to reload, scowling. 

“Run all you want….You won’t be able to escape my Epithet.”

Spider-Man responded from...well, everywhere. Doppio couldn’t pin down where he was speaking from. 

“Oh, really? Is that the whole powerset? Is  _ that _ your villain name?”

“I don’t have something that asinine. I’m simply the Boss’s most trusted ally.” He kept his grip on his pistol, King Crimson’s hands ready to respond to anything. 

“That’s a really bad name for branding...I think Heronino would work better.” There was that high-pitched spraying noise every so often...he was swinging around Doppio as they spoke. “Not that it’ll really matter.”

“Oh…? And why’s that? I was under the impression-” He whirled around at another  _ thwip _ , aiming right at the noise and firing a few feet in front of where it’d come from. “That you high and mighty hero types never killed anyone.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Cap’s totally killed some Nazis, and I’m pretty sure the Hulk’s stepped on  _ some _ people. But no, I’m not going to kill you.”  _ thwip thwip thwip thwip _

“Then what are you going to do, run away from me even harder?” He didn’t need to call the Boss for this...

_ “I’m going to start taking this seriously.” _

The chill that ran down Doppio’s spine at Spider-Man’s tone made him think he should maybe call the Boss for this. 

Epithet was deeply required.

_ In a moment, a flurry of webs and webbed objects were going to be flung at him, from every angle. Then, he’d be pulled up and into the darkness when he could no longer fight them all off. _

He needed to  _ move _ . Doppio took off sprinting, but it was too late-A spray of web blocked his path, as he had to use King Crimson to smash a crate that was being flung full-speed at his head. Shards of wood-plank, dented cans of fish and a  _ lot _ of cocaine filled the air, as Doppio felt something snag his right ankle. King Crimson’s hands were already ripping it free, but he felt his left bicep get pinned to his side as the web wrapped around his chest. While the Stand attempted to attend to that, a strand with eight cans in a jumble on its end swung low, wrapping around his ankles and leaving him unable to move as more and more webs and random garbage enwrapped him-every moment he could react, it was like another three shots came from a completely different direction. Finally, he was suddenly yanked up, his eyes quickly adjusting as he was restrained upside-down.

In the darkness, perched from a slowly bouncing-up-and-down web’s center, was Spider-Man. But he held none of the jovial posture of before. Now, he was one again crouched down like an animal, the bulbous eyes of his mask gleaming in the dark. 

He slowly pulled Doppio closer, the young man’s heart pounding in his chest. 

“I’m gonna guess you have a pretty specific range with your powers...because otherwise, you would’ve just been on me the entire time. So I’m just...not going to get close. I’ll let the blood rushing to your head knock you out, and get you to the nearest place with power inhibitors.”

Doppio began to panic. He couldn’t be captured-he’d be failing the Boss in the greatest way anyone  _ could _ fail. He’d disconnect him from Passione, the great empire he’d built would fall apart, everything would go wrong…!!

He began using King Crimson to tear at the webs, gnashing his teeth. 

“Hey, none of that! You’re gonna break your neck from this height-!” Spider-Man sighed, webbing up a few cans and beaning Doppio across the head with them, dropping him into unconsciousness. 

“Yeesh...crazy kid.” With a sigh, he dropped down to ground level, breaking his fall with a web line that he simply disconnected when his feet touched the ground, pulling his phone out. He had to check the cameras remotely to see how well they’d gotten the action...JJJ would pay big bucks for this. Spider-Man? In a drug-front warehouse, stopping a clearly violent mafioso? He’d have a field day!

_ SPIDER-MAN: THREAT TO OUR IMMIGRANT COMMUNITIES! _

  
  


Up above, Doppio slipped in and out of awareness...a can bumped the side of his head.

“ _...pio...do...ppio…. _ ”

“B-Boss…?”

“ _ You’ve done enough, Doppio. I’ll take over… _ ” 

His eyes slowly slipped closed. It’d be okay now.

The Boss was here to handle it…

Peter started typing up his email to JJJ, with the pictures enclosed-when he heard a lot of tearing. When he looked up, all he saw was that the web cocoon he’d put his opponent in had been ripped apart. But...where was the guy…?

When he looked back down, it was. Already done.

“...I am  _ not _ that good at typing in costume.” Spider-Man shoved it back in his pocket, wary. A deep voice rang out…

“You attacked my adorable subordinate…”

“...I’ll guess you’re the boss? You know, I just did this shtick. And I did it  _ better _ , thank you!”

“You can’t be allowed to live,  _ INSECT. _ I shall show you terror you could never comprehend...I’ll crush the  _ life _ from you, inch by inch, for what you put him through.”

He was definitely on ground level…

“You guys know that giving children nose-powder isn’t good for them, right? They’re already so hyperactive, what with the phones and the twitter and the undiagnosed ADHD. You know, I used to think I couldn’t have ADHD, because I was mostly just depressed a lot-Turns out, I was understimulated! Next thing you know, I’m throwing cans full of over-salted fish and under-salted blow at italians in purple sweaters and wrestling with a guy that cheats by bringing an extra set of limbs to every party.”

“Do you  _ ever _ shut up?”

“I try not to.” 

Footsteps alerted Spider-Man to his opponent-behind him, to the right. He had webbed up his bullet wound-it’d thankfully gone through clean-so he swung himself out, firing a web line at him.

It was snapped in an instant, as a full-bodied blur shifted around its host and took position at his side. And he was…

Holding that guy’s purple sweater in one hand, wearing a full-body mesh shirt, with pink hair covered in black polkadots. And he had purple lipstick on. 

“... _ What. _ ”

“I am Diavolo, Don of Passione. I am-”

“Did you  _ eat him?! _ ” 

Diavolo blinked twice, tilting his head. “What…?”

“You’re holding his sweater! Did you friggin’ eat him, or are you just chilly because you forget to pack 95% of your shirt?”

Diavolo’s eyes narrowed. “...I’m not going to respond anymore. I’m just going to kill you.”

Spider-Man shook his head, hands on his hips. “You know how many times I’ve heard that?”

But when he looked back up, Diavolo was gone.

His voice was coming from  _ right behind him now _ .

His Spider-Sense was screaming- 

“This will be the  _ last _ .” 

Peter turned as fast as he could, managing to brace his arms in front of him-but the punch slammed into his gut, sending him flying back. That  _ hurt _ -felt like he cracked a rib from just that punch. When he touched the ground, he stuck, stopping dead. 

“You can...teleport…?”

“Hmph.  _ King Crimson. _ ” He disappeared instantly.    
“And you like Prog Rock?!” Peter was quipping, but he was ready-With a leaping backwards dropkick that…   
Didn’t impact. Huh. There was nothing there…

“You seem to be able to observe it to some degree...my  _ King Crimson _ ...But you have no chance to defeat me now. You are within my Epithet. Your every movement is prewritten...While I may step outside of that which is set into the stone of destiny, and  _ change it _ . I am Divine...The man that can deny fate.” 

Peter sighed to himself, wondering for a moment. It wasn’t teleportation-It was future sight, or something like it...another precog. Great.

“Okay, well, can you write something nice for me? My landlord is a colossal ass-like all landlords-and I can never make it onto the subway before the smelly people, the racists, and the smelly racists get on.”

“You can joke all you like to hide your fear...but your fate is written. You have seen my face...seen my King Crimson.  **_You Die._ ** ” 

“Fine!” Peter jumped up. “Fine, I admit it-I’m... _ not a natural brunette…! _ ” He threw his limp left wrist to his forehead, gasping dramatically. His Spider-Sense suddenly screamed again, so this time, Peter just let go. His body moved on its own, twisting around the chopping force that passed him by-it still managed to graze his right ankle, but he swung a full-force backhanded fist into where the attack was coming from. However...it got caught, and he could only glimpse Diavolo for a moment before he disappeared again. 

His ankle was bleeding-not that fast, so why was there so much blood on the ground…? 

“You like to fight like this, huh? Pop in, pop out when I manage to react. You aren’t too used to people who can respond to you.”

Diavolo growled from the shadows. “I’ve been testing you so far. The next strike will end this.” 

Peter felt himself go into overdrive. Teleporting like this...too much blood for the actual amount that flowed from his wound...his heart was pounding, but not  _ that _ fast. He was in a bad spot here...but he had one more card in his deck. He inhaled...and exhaled. Time to go full zen. 

Diavolo watched his opponent from afar, smirking to himself. As the Spider had caught his precious Doppio in his web...he was now within Diavolo’s web. Within the court of King Crimson. First, he’d get his attention, then move in for the kill.

“It’s time to end this, bug.” He stepped from the darkness, striding confidently towards him. Then... 

He used Epithet. 

_ Within the next ten seconds, Spider-Man would shoot a web at his chest, jumping up to roundhouse kick him in the head. The blow would concuss him, before Spider-Man would follow up with a series of gut blows that would break seven of Diavolo’s ribs. _

He activated King Crimson, watching as the hero began moving through the brutal series of attacks, chuckling to himself as he strode around it. 

“You have no idea the danger you are in...That my King Crimson is about to crush your skull. Within my erased time, the actions you take have no meaning-The end result is all that remains.  _ I am the one chosen by Fate! _ ” He positioned himself behind Spider-Man as he finished the combination attack, King Crimson rearing back to deliver the same type of punch-rush to the lithe hero’s head and shoulders. 

Time began again. 

His first attack swung out-

Diavolo felt something crack. His brain wasn’t processing what was happening. What he’d just been looking at wasn’t...there anymore. He was flying to the side. His... _ jaw _ was...dislocated?! 

He caught himself with King Crimson, gripping his jaw in confusion. When he looked up from his position on the ground, Spider-Man was walking towards him, his right hand covered in blood. Diavolo’s blood. 

His ankle was leaving a trail…! 

Diavolo forced it back into place, snarling. “Y-YOU…! How did you attack me within the erased time?!  _ HOW?! _ ” 

Spider-Man didn’t respond, but Diavolo realized what it was. His almost superhuman reflexes...that wasn’t all…! His power was like Epithet, just much shorter-but it was  _ subconscious!! _ He could react without thinking, aware of danger before it could reach him!!

“ _ KING CRIMSON!!! _ ” Diavolo forced himself to his feet, screaming as his stand rushed forwards, attempting to punch the superhero’s head off his shoulders with a devastating right haymaker. The blow was caught at the wrist, redirected as the hero curved his own right hand’s fingers and jabbed his knuckles into King Crimson’s throat, causing Diavolo to violently choke. Then, Spider-Man sidestepped and drove his heel into the side of Diavolo’s knee, causing it to buckle and he began to fall. 

He once again activated Epithet and King Crimson.

_ Spider-Man would approach and strike him in the head, knocking him out. Then, he’d begin shooting webs around himself in a strange pattern, coating the ground and creating a complex shape in the air above him. _

Diavolo lifted himself up, limping around him as he watched this all play out. His eyes twitched, his jaw clenched. He was angrier than he’d ever been...this  _ freak _ had defied his King Crimson, broken his Epithet. But he’d been  _ lucky _ . This time, he was taking no chances. From a meter away, he sent his stand out, prepared to crush the hero’s spine. 

The moment time began again, he moved to attack. 

“ _ KING CRIMSON IS THE AUTHOR OF YOUR FATE!! _ ” 

Somehow…

He had missed. His eyes traced his opponent's movements, watching as Spider-Man gracefully soared above him. He’d just leapt up the moment time began again-

Diavolo’s heart skipped a beat. Had he  _ heard the dripping of his own blood…?! _

“Get ready... **Maximum Spider!!** ” 

Before Diavolo could even activate his power, Spider-Man pulled a web-strand and kicked him in the left shoulder, sending him reeling. The hero then caught himself by his hands, donkey kicking Diavolo in the chest and into the air-the only reason his solar plexus hadn’t shattered was the fact that King Crimson was there to block it. As it was, his forearms felt like they were severely bruised. 

Leaping rapidly, zipping back and forth, Spider-Man struck him over and over, appearing from angle after angle-dragging webs along with him as he did, wrapping Diavolo up like his namesake. Diavolo realized, in this moment, as his body was battered and his mind reeled in horror, that he had  _ never _ been in control. This, all this, had simply been the flailing of a mighty hunter within the web of a deadly spider. He may have been able to strike it, but he lost his chance for salvation when he did not run the moment he had a chance. To re-engage...meant re-entering his web. 

Finally, for a single moment, his position was about fifteen feet in the air from the shear speed and force of the blows. The battle had lasted so long...that the sun had risen. 

Wrapped from head to toe in webbing, all that was exposed was his face. A beam of light danced across his features, like the gaze of God. In it, he saw a face he could not understand, but he knew-deep down-to fear. A blonde boy...cold green eyes, full of disdain...with three loops of hair adorning his forehead. 

All he could do now...was scream with the deep, animalistic rage and despair that now filled him.

Spider-Man reached him then, a final zooming drop kick that slammed him into the ground below. Thankfully for Diavolo, the webbing lessened the impact, turning what would’ve been a lethal strike into “just” enough to completely knock him out.

Diavolo, age 33. 

_ Retired. _

Peter landed, a deep sigh filling his chest as the adrenaline rush wore off. 

“We done…? Got any more secret drug-clowns in there?”

Silence was his only response.

“We done. WHUUF.” He let himself fall back, spread eagle on the concrete. “I have  _ got _ to take a day off some time. Maybe the next time there isn’t any wild cockamamie nonsense happening in the city.”

With a self loathing chuckle, he sat up, ready to get on with his life. 

“What’s a good cool guy quote to end this fight on? Uhh...For you, this is the worst day of your life. For me, this is  _ Tuesday! _ ”

He paused.

“...Wait, dangit, it’s Wednesday now. Oh, who cares, you’re knocked the hell out.” 

**EPILOGUES**

Diavolo would end up going to The Big House, a maximum security prison where they shrank their inmates down to prevent breakouts. He would die in prison. As a curiosity for the various religious entities of the Marvel Universe, his death did  _ not _ result in his arrival in any of their afterlives. He was headed to a different sort of punishment.

Peter, meanwhile, was underpaid for his photography. He reported JJJ to the union. A week later, he received a  _ very _ large amount of money from some kid named Giovanni for…”Services Rendered”. Peter Parker would ask what the hell he was talking about, but for once, he let himself avoid staring at that gift horse’s mouth.

Yes, when he heard that the guy he helped arrest's name was legally "Vinegar Doppio", he cursed himself for all the goofs he didn't get to say.

The fish that the drugs were packed in? Well…

They were burned in an industrial furnace to get rid of them. Nobody wants fish that taste like Cocaine. 

Okay, a few people do, but they need therapy. 


End file.
